As a dad (or father figure), knowing how to support your daughter through her first period can be tough. It’s a big milestone in her life, but it may be unfamiliar territory for you both.
Puberty brings a lot of changes and during this time your daughter will need your comfort and reassurance. Whether she’s feeling excited, nervous or a bit unsure about what’s happening, your support can make a huge difference in how she experiences this change.
With the help of Shilpa Ullikashi, MD, a pediatrician with Banner Health, we share how you can be there for your daughter as she takes this important step.
Step 1: Understand the changes she is going through
Before you talk to your daughter, take some time to understand what periods are (if you don’t already) and what changes she may be experiencing. Knowing the basics will make you feel more confident when the topic arises.
“You can get information from many sources online, but also talk to other people, such as a female partner or friend or other friends with teen daughters, especially single dads,” Dr. Ullikashi said.
To help you get started, let’s break down the basics:
- What is a period? A period is just one part of the menstrual cycle. It occurs when the lining of the uterus sheds because the body didn’t get pregnant. The blood and tissue leave the body through the vagina. In addition to blood, your daughter may experience nausea, cramps, bloating, back and breast pain and a range of emotions. “Emotions may include anxiety, irritability, sleeplessness and sadness,” Ullikashi said. “Low self-esteem is also common around this time. Be aware of all these changes so you can support your daughter well.”
- How long can a period last? Periods can last anywhere from three to seven days, but every girl’s cycle differs. Most girls will have a period about once a month but it may take time for their cycles to become regular. It usually takes about two years to regularize.
- What products are used for periods? From pads to tampons to menstrual cups, there are lots of options. Check out this article on what your tween/teen really needs.
- How do I know when my daughter’s period is coming: “Her first period, also known as menarche, will start sometime during puberty, usually about two years after starting breast development,” Dr. Ullikashi said.
Puberty can start as early as 8 but usually happens around the age of 12. You may notice a growth spurt, body hair and emotional changes like mood swings.
Step 2: Start talking about it early
Don’t let the first day of your daughter’s period be the first time you talk about it. “It’s best to start having several small talks before your daughter gets her first period,” Dr. Ullikashi said. “This way, she’s not caught off guard when it happens.”
How to approach those conversations:
- Ask her what she knows: Your daughter may have had puberty classes in school or talked with friends. Ask what they know and if they have questions.
- Be calm and reassuring: Let her know that puberty is a natural part of growing up.
- Be matter of fact: Don’t make a joke or treat it like something strange or embarrassing. The more you talk about periods casually and positively, the more your daughter will feel comfortable with the topic.
- Build her confidence: Offer words of encouragement. You can say, “Your period may feel strange at first but it will get easier. You aren’t alone.”
- Provide resources: If she’s unsure about something, you can suggest books or websites that explain periods in a fun, informative way. Dr. Ullikashi recommends “The Care and Keeping of You 1” by American Girl.
Step 3: Prepare a period kit
One of the best ways to help your daughter feel more in control and comfortable is by having a period kit ready to go. Go to the store together and stock up on supplies. This can help ensure she’s not caught off guard, especially if she starts her period at school or out in public.
The kit can include:
- Small pouch or bag to carry the products
- Sanitary products (pads, tampons, or what she prefers)
- Pain relievers (like ibuprofen or acetaminophen)
- Change of underwear
- Comforting snack
Step 4: Be supportive when it starts
After your daughter’s first period starts, continue to listen and reassure her as she may be scared. Offer pain relievers or a heating pad if she’s experiencing cramps or discomfort.
Help her track her cycle if she wants. If she has a phone, there are free apps that can help her track it.
Step 5: Encourage open communication
Maintain an open line of communication about her menstrual health. Encourage her to share how she feels. Here are some strategies to help your child open up and share.
“If she needs space, respect her privacy, but always be ready to listen when she’s ready to talk,” Ullikashi said. “Trust she’ll come to you if she needs something.”
Step 6: Call in reinforcements
Sometimes, it can help to involve a trusted female friend, family member or health care provider in the conversation. If your daughter feels more comfortable talking to someone with firsthand experience, having this person available can make a big difference.
Takeaway
Supporting your daughter through her first period is a special opportunity to show her love, understanding and patience. While it can be a new experience for both of you, it’s a natural part of life. With your support, she can feel confident, empowered and ready to take on this new stage of her life.
