Healing after a breakup is tough. Whether you’ve been with your partner for a few weeks or you’ve spent decades together, when a relationship ends you might feel a mix of emotions, including sadness, confusion and relief.
You might jump into a new relationship quickly without taking time to heal or process your feelings. A rebound relationship might feel good at first since it can help you avoid the pain of your breakup. But it may not give you the genuine connection of a stable, lasting partnership.
“Rebound relationships are often a way to avoid feelings of distress, protect ourselves from painful emotions and reinforce the idea of a brighter future. They can be a direct result of our natural instinct to belong,” said Elena Rivera, PsyD, a psychologist with Banner Health.
“It is important to recognize if you’re in a rebound relationship because starting a new commitment with unresolved emotions can lead to undesired outcomes,” Dr. Rivera said. If you’re in a rebound relationship, you may not be able to fully commit or invest in someone else until you’ve healed emotionally.
Key signs you may be in a rebound relationship
By recognizing the patterns of a rebound relationship early, you can avoid unnecessary heartache and take time to work on your own growth. Watch for these rebound relationship signs:
- You start a new relationship quickly: Are you running from your emotions? “Being involved with someone shortly after a breakup is a sign of a rebound relationship,” Dr. Rivera said. If you haven’t taken time to grieve your past relationship and you’re already in a new one, you could be trying to avoid dealing with the emotions from your breakup. You may not be ready for a healthy relationship.
- You depend on your new partner too much: You may rely on this person to make you feel better, fill a void, validate your feelings, support you emotionally or distract you from your thoughts. Strong emotional dependence could mean you’re not ready for a new relationship yet.
- You skip emotional healing: Is the relationship distracting you from personal growth? If you’re jumping from one relationship to another without taking the time to reflect on what went wrong, what you learned and how to grow, you may be setting yourself up for another cycle of emotional pain. You may need time to heal and focus on your own needs.
- You idealize your new partner: You might quickly convince yourself that this person is the one and overlook red flags or ignore incompatibilities. “You may have thoughts about your previous partner that you replace with the idea that your new relationship is perfect,” Dr. Rivera said.
- You’re not ready for commitment: You don’t want to make long-term plans or have serious conversations about the future. You may not be ready to invest in the relationship.
- Your relationship feels superficial or meaningless: “The relationship may be limited to the desire for physical companionship with no emotional connection,” Dr. Rivera said.
How a rebound relationship affects you
A rebound relationship might make you feel better in the short term, but it can have long-term effects on your mental and emotional health.
“A rebound relationship can block your ability to process the feelings and emotions associated with past experiences. The loss of a relationship can bring feelings of failure, confusion or rejection that require the opportunity to be mindful to heal,” Dr. Rivera said.
In a rebound relationship, you may face:
- Stress and anxiety: You may feel conflicted, anxious, unstable, grieving or guilty about moving on so quickly. This cycle of stress can be hard to break, especially if you're not dealing with the emotional fallout of your previous relationship.
- A lack of healing and growth: If you don't take the time to process your past relationship, you might miss out on personal growth. To heal, you need to reflect, learn from your mistakes and let yourself grow emotionally. When you’re in a rebound relationship, you might not give this process the time and energy it needs.
- Self-esteem issues: A rebound relationship may help you feel validated, but the emotional void you're trying to fill may return and cause feelings of insecurity, dissatisfaction or frustration.
- Thoughts that aren’t accurate: “In a rebound relationship, you can submerge yourself into a false reality and sense of security that can have negative long-term consequences,” Dr. Rivera said.
How to navigate a rebound relationship
If you recognize that you're in a rebound relationship, you can find healthy ways to manage the situation.
“If you find yourself in a rebound relationship, take the time to reflect on your past relationship. Have conversations with yourself by journaling or meditating so you’re more self-aware and less reactive to stress,” Dr. Rivera said. Make time for self-care, therapy and other activities that help you grow.
It’s important to recognize when it’s time to move on from a rebound relationship. If you’re still emotionally attached to your past partner or if you’re not ready to invest in your new relationship, you may need to take a step back and focus on yourself so you can pursue healthier, more meaningful relationships in the future.
If you're struggling with your emotions or relationships, consider speaking to a behavioral health professional. They can help you understand your patterns and guide you on ways to move forward.
“Rebound relationships can be poisonous to mental health in many ways. They can prevent healing and lead to entanglements that are difficult to end. A mental health professional can help support self-growth and processing of challenging emotions,” Dr. Rivera said.
The bottom line
Rebound relationships can be confusing and emotionally challenging. By recognizing the signs, understanding the impact on your mental health and taking time to heal, you can avoid falling into a cycle of emotional distress.
If you’re in a rebound relationship, reflect on your feelings, put your emotional health first and seek professional support if you need to. Healing is a process — it's okay to take the time you need before you start a new relationship.
If you need help managing a rebound relationship or you’d like to learn more about emotional health in relationships, reach out to Banner Health. Our behavioral health experts can help you explore your emotions and move forward in a healthy way.
