Maybe you’ve had an overwhelming day or week and you need to recharge. Or you’ve been spending a lot of time with other people and you need a break. Or you’re in tune with yourself, and you recognize the signs that you need some alone time.
There are lots of good reasons you may need some time to yourself. Disconnecting from other people and responsibilities can be good for your mental and emotional health.
Tionna Hugley, a licensed professional counselor with Banner Health, shared several benefits of alone time. “Alone time is necessary to decompress and reduce stress. Alone time gives you the ability to focus on yourself and not on the roles you fulfill daily. Alone time allows you to reconnect with yourself, your productivity and your creativity. Alone time creates the opportunity to process through your thoughts and emotions.”
Signs you may need alone time
You may not always realize you need alone time, but you may benefit from some time to yourself if you are:
- Irritable and easily annoyed by small things that normally wouldn’t bother you.
- Tired or emotionally exhausted even though you’ve had enough rest.
- Overwhelmed by everyday tasks and responsibilities.
- Experiencing mood swings.
- Having difficulty concentrating or motivating yourself.
- Noticing a strong desire to be alone or crave quiet moments away from others.
- Becoming overly dependent on someone else.
While alone time may make a difference, you could also need professional help for depression, anxiety or another mental health condition. “You should seek professional help when you are fearful of being alone when either the lack of alone time or increased alone time is causing thoughts of self-harm, or when you’re experiencing severe changes in mood,” Hugley said.
Why it’s important to communicate your needs
Even though alone time can be good for you and your relationship, it can be challenging to communicate to your partner that you need it. It’s important for your partner to understand that spending time by yourself doesn’t mean you’re withdrawing from the relationship. It means you’re nurturing yourself.
Open and honest communication helps you and your partner trust and understand each other. It creates an environment where both of you feel it’s safe to express your emotions and share your needs.
When you communicate your need for alone time, you prioritize your self-care and mental health. That can help you bring a healthier and more positive energy to your relationship.
Spending time alone also establishes healthy boundaries in your relationship. It gives you a sense of independence and freedom within your partnership.
By discussing your need for alone time, you can practice empathy, active listening and understanding. And when you and your partner both acknowledge and accommodate each other’s needs for alone time, it can help prevent feelings of resentment that can build when you don’t have enough personal space.
Tips for communicating your need for alone time
There are a few things you can do to talk to your partner about your needs:
- Choose the right time: The middle of an argument is not the best time to have this discussion. Choose a calm and relaxed time, such as an evening at home or a walk together.
- Be honest and direct: Explain how you feel and why alone time is important to you. Make it clear that your need for solitude is about self-care and your emotional well-being.
- Use I statements: I statements put the focus on your feelings and are less likely to trigger feelings of blame or defensiveness in your partner. Examples include:
- I feel like I need some time to myself to relax and unwind.
- I find I’m more focused and productive when I have moments of solitude.
- I enjoy spending time with you, and I also value having space to pursue my hobbies and interests.
- Highlight the benefits: Share how alone time helps you feel more energized, focused and mentally clear.
- Reinforce your commitment to the relationship: Remind them that alone time is not a retreat from your partnership. It’s a way to nurture yourself. Reaffirm your love, respect and dedication to a strong and healthy connection.
How to address your partner’s response
Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings about your need for alone time. “Reactions from your partner can vary based on the health of the relationship and communication skills,” Hugley said. Your partner may respond with different reactions, such as understanding, confusion or concern.
- Understanding: Your partner may respect your need for alone time. If that’s the case, thank them for their understanding and reassure them that alone time is not a reflection of your feelings toward them.
- Confusion: Your partner may not be sure why you need alone time, especially if they think it’s a sign that you want to pull away from them or the relationship. Be patient and explain your reasons clearly. Remind them that you need alone time to refresh and bring balance to your life. Listen to their concerns and address them honestly.
- Concern: Your partner may be worried that your need for time to yourself is a sign of trouble in your relationship. “They may feel that you don’t want to be around them, you don’t like them or they don’t make you happy,” Hugley said. You can validate their feelings and assure them that your relationship is important to you and that alone time is a way of providing self-care.
No matter how your partner reacts, it’s important to:
- Listen attentively to their thoughts and feelings.
- Address any misunderstandings.
- Discuss ways to find a balance that respects both of your needs and works for both of you.
- Support each other’s needs.
- Express appreciation for their willingness to discuss and understand your needs.
However, if your partner responds in a way that feels dangerous or abusive, you may want to reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (voice) or 88788 (text).
How to make alone time work
“Alone time looks different for everyone. It can look like 15 minutes of silence in the car before walking into your home, or it can look like taking yourself out on a date for a meal or coffee,” Hugley said.
It may be hard to get time alone unless you schedule it. You and your partner may want to agree on days or times when you each have alone time. You’ll also want to share your expectations around interruptions and privacy.
It may take a few tries to get the balance of alone time right. For example, one of you might like shorter, more frequent times alone, while the other might want a longer stretch. Revisit your schedules and make sure they are working well for both of you.
As you build alone time into your relationship, you may be better able to spot when you need it. “You may want to send a text or call your partner if you’ve had a long day and need a moment or a few hours of alone time,” Hugley said.
It’s also a good idea to schedule time to reconnect as a couple after your alone time and to have check-in conversations with your partner. “Remind your partner you value time together just as much as you value alone time,” Hugley said.
The bottom line
There are solid mental and emotional health benefits to spending time alone. By communicating your needs to your partner honestly and directly, you should be able to create a plan where you both get to focus on yourselves as well as on your relationship.
If you would like professional support in getting the benefits of alone time or in communicating with your partner, reach out to an expert at Banner Health.
