When children begin to speak, many parents teach them to say “please” and “thank you.” While these words are foundational to good manners, gratitude goes beyond polite phrases. It’s a value that children must learn and develop over time. According to Adeola Adelayo, MD, a psychiatrist with Banner Behavioral Health Hospital, gratitude involves emotional intelligence and cognitive skills that grow with practice.
“There are many ways, really at any age, that we can encourage and develop grateful hearts,” Dr. Adelayo said. Below are her expert tips to help your child or teen cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
Lead by example
As parents, we’re often surprised to hear ourselves sounding like our own parents. This happens because children closely observe how we act, react and navigate the world, then internalize those behaviors. Gratitude is no different.
“If you would like your child or teen to be grateful, model gratitude yourself,” Dr. Adelayo said. “When your kids are present, point out people who are doing things that go beyond what’s expected and be specific about what you are thankful for.”
For example, if a friend helps with school carpool, you might say, “Thank you for bringing my child home. I’m so grateful to have a friend like you who supports me when I need help.” Your children will notice these moments and learn to express their own gratitude in similar ways.
Let them earn privileges
Do you ever feel like your child takes things for granted? It’s easy to fall into a pattern of giving in to demands, but this can inadvertently create entitlement.
Dr. Adelayo suggested teaching gratitude by encouraging children to earn privileges. This doesn’t necessarily mean giving an allowance. Instead, tie desired items or experiences to chores or responsibilities.
For example, if your child wants a new pair of trendy, expensive shoes, assign tasks such as setting the table or helping with yard work. Acknowledge their hard work along the way, saying something like, “I really appreciate the effort you’re putting into these chores.” Earning privileges fosters appreciation, gratitude and a sense of accomplishment.
Volunteer and donate together
Helping others can shift a child’s perspective, allowing them to see the world through a new lens. Consider volunteering as a family, whether it’s packing food for those in need, serving at a shelter or participating in a community cleanup.
Another meaningful activity is donating items together. The next time you fill a bag of toys or clothes to give away, involve your child. Explain why you’re donating and ask if they have items they’d like to contribute. Take them to the donation center and let them hand over the bag. On the way home, discuss how the experience made them feel and share how grateful someone else will be to receive those items.
Start a gratitude ritual
Incorporating gratitude into daily routines can make it a lasting habit. One simple ritual is sharing what you’re thankful for during family meals. Each person can name one thing they appreciated about their day. While it may feel awkward at first, with practice, even young children will learn to find gratitude in small moments.
For older children and teens, Dr. Adelayo recommended journaling. “Helping them express gratitude will help build their resilience and create skills for life,” she said. Journaling about positive experiences can help teens focus on the good, even during challenging times.
Be patient
Gratitude is a complex emotion that doesn’t develop overnight. Children may not always express their feelings the way you expect. For example, instead of saying “thank you,” a child might show their gratitude with a hug or a smile.
“It’s important to remember that every child is different,” Dr. Adelayo said. “Give them time and space to develop gratitude in their own way.”
Know when to seek help
If your child or teen struggles with expressing gratitude or seems emotionally withdrawn, it’s okay to seek professional help. A licensed counselor or therapist can provide additional support. Find a Banner behavioral health specialist near you.
Final thoughts
Instilling gratitude in children is about more than just teaching good manners. It’s about helping them develop an appreciation for the world around them. By modeling gratitude, encouraging responsibility and creating meaningful experiences, you can lay the groundwork for a grateful heart that will last a lifetime.
Recommended reading
- Building Bridges: How to Help Your Child Open Up and Share
- A Guide to Gifting Your Kids Experiences, Not Stuff
- 7 Tips for Raising Mindful Tweens and Teens: A Parent Guide
Content in this article was updated on January 7, 2025.
